You see stories all the time about children getting lost, kidnapped or worse yet, killed in some accident ... but you never think it will happen to you. 

My mind is still a blur with all the events of that week.  We were at our usual Sunday church gathering, in our the usual  seats.  The three children were off with their favourite Sunday School teachers and all seemed right with the world.  We were enjoying the music, although not particularly tuned into the words.  I was thinking more about the family lunch with my in-laws than focusing on the words , or the Pastor's message that followed.

As my husband and our two older children gathered after the service, we began to wonder "Where is Cindy?'  Sure, she 's a sociable child, always chatting with others and the neighbour's children.  So maybe she was there ... or with her cousins ..... and had forgotten the time?

Around 1:00 after church, we started to worry and began an somewhat panicky search.  Around 1:30 pm, we had the few remaining people alerted to our missing daughter and the real search began.  People organised themselves and went out looking around the buildings and car park.

 The helpful Police were called in around 2:00 pm, along with many other volunteers.  It was becoming quite obvious that our angel Cindy wasn't just visiting with another group next door.  I began to fear and prepare for the worst.

I've tried to tell her story through the newspaper clippings I collected then.  Otherwise, the details become too gruesome and my heart bleeds more.

 They called out the dogs around 5:30, knowing even then that the search might end with a gruesome discovery.  Still we and others prayed.

 In the end, they only found a little red hair ribbon that was Cindy's and one of her shoes.... nothing else - no body, no villain .... and no Cindy.

 'Oh, God  how do we tell our other children?"   How can we handle this overwhelming powerlessness?  Why?  How?  Who?' 

It's been four long months now.  We have good meaning people tell us "Try and put it behind you.  At least you have two other children."   .... and other similar, less than helpful or in fact insulting things. 

Sometimes I wish they would all go away and let the world collapse around me .... but I must be strong for the children and for my husband......

Books and helpful counsellors tell me 'Anger is a normal part of this grief nightmare'.  "If only ... or What if .... " often leave me drained and feeling useless.  There's dinner to be fixed and the washing to be done ... and school has started back again.

To be honest with you, some days ,I still struggle with my concepts of 'a good God'!  How ... yes, how could He allow something like this to happen?  I try to write down my thoughts, only to see them scattered through my tears.   I wonder ...... where is she right now?  I could torment my mind and heart to death with those thoughts ... but I try not to.  Somewhere ....God knows where ......

The emotional outpouring in the wake of Cindy's disappearance has been very overwhelming.  We hope that the incident reminds all parents that their children are precious and irreplaceable.

We may never know what has happened to her or understand the reasons why.  Even if you believe in a good God, that doesn't mean you will never know the pains of life. 

It's a cruel world we live in - with or without Him.  I am learning though that having a faith, a conviction - that there is a good God - has become the lifeline to get me through ...on most days.  I've learned to see Him in ways that I wouldn't have even noticed two years ago.